The sovereign single mother

Three years ago, becoming a single mother was one of the biggest tragedies of my life. 

Now it has become the making of me. 

As a woman, a mum, and a regenerative healer of people and systems. 

The energy I’d previously put into contorting myself into an object of approval for the male gaze has been redirected into my own authentic becoming. Into knowing myself deeply and truthfully. Into a self-loyalty that allows me to face anything without the threat of abandoning myself again. Safe to be me. Safe to be wildly potent, safe to rest. 

It has not been easy in the slightest. I began this journey incredibly heartbroken, with a toddler who couldn’t sleep more than an hour or two without needing my reassuring presence. I felt like a failure for our family breaking apart, someone that needed fixing before she could be loved. My nervous system was wound so tight that I was becoming more and more controlling and reactive. Both my son and I were teetering on the edge of crisis. 

Then by chance I met the incredible Dr Stephanie Mines. She looked me in the eyes and the grief I was working so hard to contain just came pouring out as I saw the compassion and depth of understanding in her face. Although I didn’t know it at the time, Stephanie had also walked this path of single motherhood and remade herself in the process. 

As Stephanie began mentoring me in the TARA Approach, I found healing powers in my hands. Each evening, once my son was asleep, it was time for me to refind myself. I followed sequences of hand positions (of flows), touching sacred sites on my own body that began reawakening my embryonic intelligence. The part of me that is infinitely adaptable and driven by pure curiosity and love. It was hard to stick with the practice at first - to prioritise giving this nurturing attention to myself. But I was determined to raise myself up to be the best mum could, so I persevered. 

Before long, I could sense more spaciousness in my nervous system. My son and I started sleeping more deeply. I was a little less controlling, reactive and overstimulated. I kept learning with Stephanie, taking every class she was taking both online and in person. The more I dived into this world of energy medicine and embryonic intelligence, the more regenerative potential I discovered in myself. I was rapidly recovering memories from my time in the womb and birth that had shaped me profoundly on both somatic and psycho-emotional levels. As I repatterned and repaired these shocks, I could sense my true essence (what Stephanie calls Original Brilliance) becoming more accessible and recognisable. 

Far from just being a kind, nurturing, intelligent woman - I remembered that I was a being that was highly courageous as well as profoundly loving. I could locate a deep sense of adventure at the core of my being. A willingness to feel everything there is to feel in life, to go to the darkest places inside myself and make bold choices that most people would shy away from. Discovering this really renewed my faith in myself. 

My reverence and fascination with perinatal life and motherhood kept getting stronger. It became clear to me that this is the site of healthcare that can last a lifetime. By supporting the resilience of mums and their little ones, so much pain and disease could be prevented in later life. I learned about the epidemic of Mother Hunger from Kelly McDaniel and made the commitment that I would serve the rest of my career at the altar of motherhood. 

I now operate a clinic as a somatic trauma therapist for mums, babies and children. I am pioneering an approach called Embodied Mothering which seeks to transform the experience of motherhood from one of exhaustion to re-enlivenment. 

For me, the essence of embodiment is to stop pretending. To stop using our minds to override our bodies. To feel what we really feel, instead of what we think we should be feeling, or want to be feeling. To overcome all resistance to our own innate truth and wisdom, and regain so much joy and vitality in the process. 

I believe our children come with an invitation back into our own aliveness and authenticity. When we accept this gift and allow them to show us all the places we have blocked our love, our joy, our grief and healthy aggression then we can truly be re-incarnated into the full beauty of our existence. Sovereign unto ourselves and aligned with all of life.